life

On becoming 50

On 15th April 1963 I emerged into the world by the hand of nurse Murray in the Parish of Keyworth in the house where my parents still live today on Laurel Avenue, Nottinghamshire. Dr Annesley pronounced me a boy and the boy is now me fifty years on. Well, at the time of writing, 50 years and 2 days…I’ve been busy! I don’t really feel like I’ve got to this age and done anything particularly profound, I haven’t achieved anything of worth either academically or career-wise and if I’m being honest with myself I’ve made a succession of wrong choices at some of the most pivotal times of my life prompted by laziness, indecision, fear, procrastination and ignorance. I am not by any means dissatisfied with where I am now because with my son, wife and family I am quite content and do what I can for them. However, as a teenager I had no specific vision of where I wanted to be when I grew up other than be a drummer in a rock band living out of the back of a van if it came to it but I allowed myself to be persuaded this was a non-starter and that I should strive to obtain a minimum of 5 ‘o’ levels at school and get a job. I did get 5 ‘o’ levels, failed my ‘A’ levels (I couldn’t be arsed) and ended up in office jobs dreaming of getting better educated, buying a Premier drum kit, travelling the world, moving to London etc etc without taking the slightest steps to achieve these dreams. And to this date I still do this sort of work and detest it. So much for dreams.

Of course I know in many ways my life is very good. I have a wonderful son and a loving wife – my second wife; my first wife and mother of my son died of cancer 9 years ago – and 3 super step-kids. I have a house which is paid for, a car I love and we do great stuff together like go on holidays, eat great food and love one another. But I just reached 50. I feel in fact as if I’ve reached a mid-way point. Not that I expect to live to be 100 because I would expect to be running out of faculties even if I did live that long but I rather feel that I’ve reached the end of the incline and now begin the descent into decline. Not immediate decline but a slow gradual decline which will ultimately culminate in death and whatever that brings. But for some reason I feel more optimistic now than I did 10, 20 or even 30 years ago because this is me now, this is who I am, I know and understand me now after all this time and although the opportunities are more limited to me than they were when I obtained my 5 ‘o’ levels more than 30 years ago I feel that I am sufficiently placed and confident to realise what dreams I now have or will have and achieve them. I am finally in control.

I have the Internet which is more of a guide, a source of education and inspiration than any teacher who ever taught me at school. And also, I have to be honest here, more than my parents who in spite of their loving well-meaning intentions directed me in ways that I was ill equipped to succeed in or prosper. If I had perused my own dreams of being a drummer I may well have failed but I would have failed on my terms but I allowed myself to fail on somebody else’s. Sometimes I can surprise me such as when I paid for myself to obtain an FA Coaching badge, pushed myself forward to coach a junior football team which I have noe been doing with great pleasure and (dare I say it?) success for the past 6 years. I have a blog, a Moleskine notebook a Wunderlist account and a wife who shares and inspires ambition in me to travel. When C (my wife) reaches the same aged milestone as me in December 2020, we plan to take a 12 month career break in 2021 and travel the world. I am yet hoping I do not suffer the heart attack my dad did at the age of 56 or the stroke he suffered 2 years later or the angina he developed 2 years after that or require the triple heart by-pass operation he had 2 years after that – although at 83 and in rude health he is a great advert for the National Health Service! Luckily my job is not stressful, I have not had a cigarette since my first wife’s funeral, I eat pretty well, go to the gym but do probably drink too much along with C at weekends. But travel is a wonderful goal to achieve and following our recent trip to Berlin we have so much to look forward to enjoying together because travel can be a walk down the road hand in hand or a far off journey to somewhere yet to be discovered. And my wonderful son who I can watch grow older, encourage him and nurture him to follow and peruse his dreams.

Life’s good and getting better. Here’s to the next 50 years!

 

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3 thoughts on “On becoming 50”

  1. Happy belated birthday. I’m nearing my 39th birthday and I know along the way I’ve made some horrible mistakes. However, like you, I love my life now. Each year it gets better. I’m not saying it’s always easy, but it’s better. Have a wonderful weekend!

    1. Thank you. When I was younger I tended to wait for things to happen rather than making them happen myself. All part of being lazy I suppose but reaching a milestone birthday kind’ve makes you take stock a little and make the most of the time you have left. To coin a phrase, I wish I knew 30 years ago what I know now 🙂

  2. Happy Birthday, Bill! I’m an American who is currently living in the Netherlands and they have a phrase over here…You’ve Seen Abraham! (something about the Abraham from the bible…don’t remember why 50…)

    In June I turn 30 and have been dreading it. Much of my childhood and teen years were spent in a Fundamentalist sect in Oklahoma. We kept the Sabbath and so that pretty much killed a lot of career ambitions for me (you can’t be a meteorologist b/c you have to do the weather on the Sabbath). Also, they believed that the End would come soon so why bother with Worldly Education, so even though I had the grades for it I didn’t…but everything would have conflicted with the Sabbath anyway.

    So…I don’t feel I’ve accomplished much. My family life is under way (wife and son) so that may bring the contentment you mention in your life. But as you mention, I realize I’ve been kind of “waiting for life to happen”. Rather reminds me of the song Time by Pink Floyd.

    But I’m glad to know I have at least 20 more years before the “decline” begins…I’ve been afraid it happened sooner. lol.

    Anyway, again, Congrats on reaching this milestone!

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